mom, my world crumbles upon me once again.
“life is a rollercoaster” they said. but what happened when the trail stopped in the middle when you’re going full speed above? you died.
in this lifetime alone, i think i’ve died a million times in my head. death don’t phase me, but what came before death is much scarier to me. darkness slowly creeping up on you, freezing your breath.
MIITO movie part 1 (2022) dir. DPR IAN
ibu, i don’t know when exactly that my world starts to split. what i once thought was just a small crack in my head exploded and split me into two. from that crack, dark spirits float and went straight to hunt me down. sucking out happiness, just those death eaters i read about.
ibu, i apologize that your prayers for my wellbeing isn’t enough to save me from my doom. i’m sorry that all the dreams you’ve hanged onto my shoulders are now scattered on the ground untouched and rusting. and maybe this was a payback for my purple shaded heart from the heavens in the sky. my unforgivable sin in this black and white world.
it’s starting again, the suffocating void on my chest causing me to throw up my potentials. the stars in the sky has now turned into judging eyes pointing at my fault, and once again i am drowning in my own tears. my flesh sunked and sewn into one with the rocky grounds below me.
ibu, how can i scream my agony when i’m not the only one speaking in my head? it’s jam packed up there and my voice is overshadowed by the people from unknown. one telling me to end my agony, another one begging to stay. i’m confused.
i can’t recognize myself most day when i look at the mirror. the unrecognizeable being that was broken by taking too much lithium. i. have never forget the two pages long side effect i read as i swallowed down those damn pills, that was supposed to help me. but bu, why does it feels like i’m gasping for air without it bu?
ibu, the walls are crumbling and i’ve chugged in too much dust to scream for help. and once again, i am dying. falling into the abyss before i ressurect to cloud 9, getting drunk from euphoria, and repeat the cycle once again.
ibu, please lay down lilies on my grave, and sing me those prayers one more time. because out of all the voices, yours the only one i’m listening to.
